Being sick led to me feeling like a failure
Failure in the realm of illness needs to be rethought. When I was given my diagnosis, I felt like a failure. Not only had I let down myself, by not being well, but also, I was letting down all who had loved me, and had invested in me. My future as far as I could see it was gone, and with my health in such a state, who would ever want me as a friend or a life partner?
As it would later transpire, my health did affect both of those entities as well as affecting my ability to work and travel. However, through the ups and downs of love and loss, I do now see that true friends won’t ever give up on you, and in life when something doesn’t come to be it might never have been meant to.
The realisation that I hadn’t failed
It took years, during a journey focused on self-love and self-care, for me to realize that I hadn’t let anyone down. My health condition wasn’t a result of personal choices or self-infliction; it seemed to have occurred without any apparent cause. Blaming myself stemmed from a place of low self-worth and a fear of disappointing others, but it served no purpose. However, at that point in my life, it resonated with the state of mind I found myself in.
In the years that followed, various experiences allowed me to redefine what failure means to me, particularly when dealing with a health condition that occasionally hinders my ability to meet obligations.
Failure oversimplifies things
The term “failure” presents an overly simplistic perspective that confines us to a binary outlookâeither success or failure. Despite the universe being inherently nuanced, much of our language tends to oversimplify.
The term “failure” embodies a mindset that overlooks subtleties. When we label our actions or ourselves as failures, we strip away the capacity to perceive the intricate truth, which is undoubtedly multifaceted. Moreover, this perspective inflicts harm upon us. A mere utterance or encounter with the word “failure” can evoke a palpable emotional response, illustrating its impact on our well-being.
How do we define failure?
Failure generally refers to the lack of success or the inability to achieve a desired goal or objective. It is often characterized by falling short of expectations or not meeting predetermined standards. Failure can occur in various aspects of life, including personal endeavours, professional pursuits, relationships, health and more.
It’s important to note that failure is a subjective concept and can be interpreted differently by individuals. Some view failure as a setback or a learning opportunity, emphasizing the lessons and experiences gained from unsuccessful attempts. Others may perceive it more negatively, associating failure with disappointment, frustration, or a sense of inadequacy.
Ultimately, how one defines and responds to failure can greatly influence personal growth, resilience, and future success.
Many successful individuals attribute their achievements to the lessons learned from past failures and the determination to persist in the face of adversity.
How can we look at failure in a more enlightened way?
Looking at failure in a more enlightened way involves adopting a mindset that sees failure as a valuable and integral part of the learning and growth process.
These are some perspectives and strategies that can help:
Learning Opportunity:
- Viewing failure as a source of valuable lessons. By analysing what went wrong, understanding the contributing factors, and identifying areas for improvement. This reflective process can lead to personal and professional development.
Resilience Building:
- See failure as an opportunity to build resilience. The ability to bounce back from setbacks and adapt to challenges is a crucial skill in navigating life’s ups and downs.
Mindset Shift:
- Embrace a growth mindset, as coined by psychologist Carol Dweck. Instead of seeing abilities as fixed traits, recognize that they can be developed through dedication and hard work. This mindset shift can make failure less threatening and more of a pathway to improvement.
Redefined Success:
- Rethink what success means to you. Sometimes, failure occurs because goals are unrealistic or misaligned with your true values. Reevaluate your definition of success and adjust your goals accordingly.
Normalize Failure:
- Understand that everyone experiences failure at some point. It is a universal aspect of the human experience. By normalizing failure, you reduce the stigma associated with it and create a more supportive environment for personal and collective growth.
Embrace Creativity:
- Failure is often an inherent part of the creative process. Artists, inventors, and innovators frequently encounter setbacks before achieving success. Embrace the creative aspect of failure, where experimentation and risk-taking are essential for breakthroughs.
Celebrate Effort:
- Shift the focus from purely outcome-based evaluation to acknowledging and celebrating effort. Recognize the hard work, dedication, and courage it takes to pursue challenging goals, regardless of the immediate results.
Perspective and Time:
- Understand that failure is often a temporary state. What may seem like a failure in the short term could be a stepping stone to success in the long run. Keep a broader perspective and recognize that setbacks are just part of the journey.
By incorporating these perspectives into your mindset, you can transform the way you perceive and respond to failure, turning it into a constructive force in your personal and professional development.
For those with a health condition or challenge, how can failure show up in their lives?
For individuals with a health condition, the concept of failure can manifest in various ways, impacting their physical and emotional well-being. These are some ways in which failure might show up in the lives of those dealing with a health condition. However, it is possible to reframe feelings of failure into more positive and empowering perspectives for individuals with health conditions and those reframes are shown below.
Unmet Treatment Goals:
- If individuals with a health condition set specific treatment or management goals and are unable to achieve them, they may perceive this as a failure. This could include goals related to symptom control, medication adherence, or lifestyle changes.
Reframe:
Instead of viewing unmet goals as failures, consider them as opportunities for adjustment. Reflect on the progress made, celebrate small victories, and collaborate with healthcare professionals to modify goals based on realistic expectations.
Physical Limitations:
- The presence of a health condition might lead to physical limitations or challenges. The inability to perform certain activities or a decline in physical capabilities can be perceived as a failure, especially if it disrupts one’s previous level of functioning.
Reframe:
Embrace physical challenges as a part of the journey. Focus on what you can do and explore adaptive strategies. Recognize that adaptability and resilience in the face of limitations are signs of strength, not failure.
Emotional Well-being:
- Mental health is closely linked to physical health. Individuals with health conditions may experience emotional struggles, and any perceived setbacks or difficulties in managing their mental health may be seen as a failure.
Reframe:
Acknowledge and prioritize mental health as an integral part of overall well-being. Seeking support from mental health professionals, practising self-care, and building a strong support network are not signs of failure but proactive steps toward holistic health.
Reliance on Others:
- Some individuals with health conditions may find themselves relying on others for support or assistance. This shift in independence can be emotionally challenging and might be viewed as a failure to maintain autonomy.
Reframe:
Recognize that seeking and accepting support is a strength, not a weakness. Communicate openly with loved ones about your needs, fostering a sense of connection and understanding. Collaboration and interdependence are valuable aspects of human relationships.
Treatment Adherence:
- Failure to consistently adhere to prescribed treatments, medications, or therapies may be a common source of frustration and self-perceived failure for individuals with health conditions. External factors such as side effects or financial constraints can contribute to this.
Reframe:
Instead of focusing on occasional lapses, celebrate the overall commitment to treatment. Understand that healthcare journeys can be complex, and adapting treatment plans over time is a sign of responsiveness, not failure.
Impact on Relationships:
- Health conditions can strain relationships, both personally and professionally. The perceived inability to maintain fulfilling connections or the strain on relationships due to the health condition may be considered a failure.
Reframe:
Acknowledge the challenges health conditions may pose on relationships, but also recognize the potential for growth and increased empathy. Open communication, education about the condition, and mutual support can strengthen connections rather than being perceived as failures.
Employment Challenges:
- For those with health conditions, challenges in maintaining employment or pursuing certain career goals due to health-related limitations can be perceived as a failure, especially if it leads to financial strain.
Reframe:
Instead of seeing career challenges as failures, view them as opportunities for professional growth and exploration of new paths. Emphasize transferable skills, consider flexible work arrangements, and seek opportunities that align with your abilities and aspirations.
Stigma and Social Perception:
- Societal attitudes and stigmas associated with certain health conditions may make individuals feel as though they are failing to meet societal expectations, impacting their sense of self-worth.
Reframe:
Challenge societal stigmas and educate others about your health condition. Recognize that the opinions of others do not define your worth. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who appreciate your strengths and resilience.
Navigating the Healthcare System:
- Challenges in navigating the healthcare system, understanding medical information, or advocating for oneself in medical settings can be sources of frustration and may be interpreted as personal failures.
Reframe:
Advocate for yourself by seeking information, asking questions, and building a partnership with healthcare providers. Recognize that navigating the healthcare system can be complex for many individuals, and seeking guidance is a proactive step toward better understanding and self-care.
Moving forward
Individuals dealing with health conditions need to recognize these challenges and seek support from healthcare professionals, support groups, and mental health services. Moreover, reframing perceptions of setbacks as opportunities for adaptation and growth can contribute to a more resilient mindset.
Encouraging a mindset shift from self-blame and judgment to self-compassion and resilience can significantly improve the emotional well-being of individuals with health conditions. Seeking professional support, engaging in peer communities, and practising mindfulness can also contribute to a more positive and empowered outlook.
Although there are still times when I feel I have failed or let myself or others down, I am getting better at stepping back, taking a breath, and finding gratitude for where I am.